Lhunpaurwen's Ramblings

Went to see another potential foster this evening. Was expecting a 90lb+ dog and the pics even looked it. The dog had lost a lot of weight while in shelter they claimed from depression or whatever. He was a little taller than Ember, and I could imagine if he did put on 20lbs he might be okay for the work. He was perfect with other dogs, cats, kids, living with them all at the foster house. He seemed fine, just lacking in some leash manners but not horrible. So I said I would give him a shot. Stopped by their local Petco for supplies. While fitting a step in harness to this dog, he became reactive. I think it was the way I was touching him or the place around the hind legs and groin area trying to repositioning his body and legs so I could get a better angle to slip on the harness and adjust it. He was stressing some while in the store, but still took treats. He had tensed up and I heard a low growl, so I stopped and watched him. There were people across from us making a bit of noise and they had a dog trying to get closer, so I thought it may have been the other dog I heard. I started to reach back for the hind end to loop the harness through and he tensed again and turned his head slightly so I stopped again until he relaxed and was slack jaw. Instead of leaning in to loop the harness as I had originally planned to ( which would have put my head/face right in line if he swung around on me ), I angled one arm low and came around with the other to feel at his leg and hip, wondering if he was in pain. I moved his leg slightly with my hand and there was a throaty snarl and he was turning to latch for my arm. I managed to block him with the arm I had angled against his chest for safety and held the collar so he couldn't jerk away and try again. When he realized he was partly restrained he outburst with a lot of snarling and a warning bark that had some people coming over to see if everything was okay. Which was pretty embarrassing because I looked like some idiot who couldn't control their dog. That kind of reaction to such simple handling is a serious red flag, and probably part of the reason he ended up in the shelter to begin with. I couldn't risk it. I brought him back to the foster. Goodness forbid if someone else starts to take him home like I did, and is not as dog savvy, and ends up getting nailed by him. I told them what he had done and why I had to bring him back, but I don't think they took it seriously. He was the last dog on my list in the area to check. Another 15 dogs down. All I keep getting around here is heartworm positive and severe behavior issues dogs. That disqualifies them as service dogs flat out. I can't afford to put money out to try another puppy. Going to curl up and cry away my frustrations.

The last month or so has not been pleasant because our AC unit was progressively working less and less. All this time I thought it was just me, since I overheat so easily. It's probably the main reason I kept getting so sick on and off. But these past few days it totally stopped working and we had to have the repair people out to service the unit. I was melting into puddles of sad Lhunie-ness and living in front of my tower fan on high. It was as hot inside as it was outside, somewhere around 83F. Thankfully it is all better now and back to icebox comfortable and I am already starting to feel better.

Speaking of melted puddles. Ceramics! I have successfully fired two glaze loads in my kiln, woo! I waited till after the AC was fixed to start up the second glaze load, since the kiln maxes out around 2,220F for the firing runs I do. We didn't want to add to the miserable heat from the AC not working.

I am all excited about upcoming ceramics projects and other hot art plans!

Spent the last few days fighting with my computer again. Just when I was getting everything back in order from the hard drive crash where I lost data and art and things, Windows decides to self destruct itself so badly that it screwed up my boot sector. I couldn't even access recovery mode or anything similar, nor could I rebuild the boot and registry data.

So all the programs that I had installed on my second drive in case something like this happened.... nope, won't work now. I have to do everything all over again. I only lost a handful of things I had saved to my desktop. I got into the habit of moving everything over to my non-OS drives. I don't think I lost anything important except for video edits, or I just haven't realized anything else is missing yet.

Unfortunately this reinstall is glitching out on updates and hanging. Which means I have to reinstall AGAIN. I haven't bothered to reinstall any of my programs except Photoshop and stuff I need specifically to get ready for the trip. Which is aggravating because I can't use my other editing programs or Painter as I had planned. I will get this stuff edited and posted, once my computer stops sabotaging my progress. When I get back from the trip to OKC I am going to wipe it clean and install, make sure everything is stable, reinstall all my drivers and programs, and ghost the damned drive and make backup points. I should have this last time around. Live and learn.

Quick update. Ankle is still tender but as long as I am not on it too long I can tolerate the pain enough to walk on it for short amounts of time and for short distances. Puppy is doing good, will write more about that in a puppy update I am working on.


Getting increasingly aggravated with the SSA and this disability determination process. They sent me ANOTHER letter requesting info I already gave them. This is the third time they have done so.

I filled out the application online and it specifically asked for this info and I filled in the blanks. Then I also submitted it with the info I gave them to copy in person. All of that info was carefully organized and selected because they had already asked for it, or I knew they would ask for it, so I included it thinking it would help them and make the process more efficient.

So how can you not have it and still be requesting it unless clearly you haven't bothered to actually look through my entire file?

Or you are just wasting time, resources and paper.

The fact that one of my conditions is actually listed on the SSA "auto determination list" should make this entire process totally irrelevant. But noooope.

Because, government.

10 years ago my life changed forever when Hurricane Katrina made landfall along the Gulf Coast of Louisiana and Mississippi. I lost my lifelong home and everything in it, as did many others in the effected regions.

"Get over it" some people say as they sneer at those of us living here because "the region is known for flooding and hurricanes". I want to point out that the areas that were most drastically effected by the hurricane, were areas that actually *NEVER* had problems on the scale we saw in Katrina. Slidell ( where I lived ) was north of the Lake Pontchartrain and in the 22 years I lived there, we never, *ever* flooded or had severe hurricane damage at our house.... until Katrina.

We were far enough (about 6 miles ) inland and above sea level to where it had never been an issue. Same can be said for the hardest hit areas in Mississippi, from Gulfport, to Waveland, on through Biloxi. Unless you lived right on the lakefront or beachfront or in a low area, the worst you had to worry about was wind damage as opposed to severe flooding. Even many places that did get water, it was normally only a few inches to at most 2ft or so depending on where you lived.

To those people who would still sneer, I point toward New York and Hurricane Sandy. They weren't expecting a hurricane to bring severe flooding and damage either, and like many of us across Louisiana and Mississippi, they lived in an area where it wouldn't normally have been a problem. Should they have "gotten over it" because "they chose to live there"? Those same harsh words sound vastly different when applied to a similar situation, don't they? Katrina was a far larger, more powerful, and far more destructive storm. Not just New Orleans suffered, where most damage was done because the levees/seawalls failed, and water rushed in - in most cases hours after the worst of the storm had already passed. Slidell didn't have levees/seawalls or need them, and neither did cities in Mississippi that were destroyed. It was likely tornadoes spawned from the storm, as well as the storm surge itself that at times was pushed 6 to 12 miles inland ( carrying boats and everything else it swept away with it mind you), that caused the most destruction across multiple cities and across multiple states.




It's very difficult to talk about what I went through during that time, and what I witnessed others go through. It's been 10 years since it happened, but it still feels as raw as if it were yesterday.


I've been living out of boxes for the past 10 years because I don't have a home of my own anymore.

I have been living by the good grace of others a majority of that time. It leaves one with intense mixed emotions. Full of thanks and gratitude. Yet never feeling like you really belong. Never feeling settled. You know it is only temporary. You'll collect all your boxes and go somewhere else soon enough, so why bother to unpack anything?

Or worse now that I am living in New Orleans again. I dread the warmer months now and the storms they might bring. Having to pick and choose what to take if we have to run from a storm. You can't take it all when you run from a storm. Knowing you might lose everything all over again. I can't describe how gut wrenching it is.

I would rather live anywhere but here. Further inland, maybe up toward Baton Rouge. But family and their livelihoods are here and their support is here. None of them have ever talked about wanting to move elsewhere, and I don't have the luxury to choose since I am currently not able to hold work and support myself with my health problems.


I never had a chance to really properly grieve. Never had a chance to really properly recover and heal the damage done.


You learn to let go as much as you can and move on.